I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize