i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
