I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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