There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
