DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
