so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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