i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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