I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize