I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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