Apparently you make a good broom.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
