Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
