after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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