Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
