Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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