i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
