I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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