my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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