I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
