Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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