those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
