I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize