their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
