Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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