Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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