??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
