where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
