worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
