a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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