maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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