CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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