Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
