He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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