he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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