I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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