OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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