The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
