her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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