just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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