So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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