Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
