Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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