Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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