Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
