Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize