I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
