Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize