I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
