Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
