Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
