4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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