I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
