Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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