he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
bring money and cleavage
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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