drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
