So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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