we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
