you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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