I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I love you. Go after that dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
