Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
