I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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