If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize