I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
