census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize