Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
