Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
