You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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