My nipple is on Facebook.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
