he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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