god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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