My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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