Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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