The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
