i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
