Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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