Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
