I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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