it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
