Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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