hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize