i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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