Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
