Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
