He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
should my penis look like a turkey
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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