obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
