even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
