Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
