well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize