are you still at the devil's house?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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