if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize