The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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