I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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