i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
