I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
