I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can I color on your dick again?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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