im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
