Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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