wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
