I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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