The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
