I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was CRYING into my vagina
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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