He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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