DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize