We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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