yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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