Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize