My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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