Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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