Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
