thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
