Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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