I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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